


18

by char1ynch



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bellamy and Octavia have an implied healthy platonic relationship, Bellarke, Best Friends, Bisexual Character, Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, Emotional pain, Every character is a background character except for Bellamy and Clarke tbh, F/M, Family Issues, Family Loss, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Longing, Loss, Loss of Control, Platonic Relationships, Raven is briefly mentioned, Romantic Friendship, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Destruction, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unintentional pain, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, gina is also briefly mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 17:50:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17349794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/char1ynch/pseuds/char1ynch
Summary: She decided she loved him at 18.





	18

When Clarke Griffin first met Bellamy Blake, she somehow knew that he would end up meaning so much to her, but she didn’t know how much until the night of her 18th birthday, when she was drunk and crying over a former flame who fucked her over, and he was there to comfort her when no one else even realized anything was wrong. He held her, and she felt safer than she had ever felt, and she decided that she loved him, far more than she had ever loved anyone else that had come and gone throughout her tumultuous life. 

 

When Clarke Griffin was 23, she realized just how much she was in love with Bellamy Blake, when the aspect of losing him was very high, due to a careless driver who decided that alcohol was more important than the lives of the drivers sharing the road with her. She stayed at his bedside in the hospital for many days, losing sleep because she had cared more about him than she ever did about herself, and prayed to whatever was watching over them that he would wake up and that he would be the same Bellamy, the one that she knew would always be a constant and a beacon for herself, guiding her home in even her darkest moments. He woke up a week later and the joy she had felt was indescribable. She hugged him tight and told him she loved him, and he told her that he loved her too, and maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for them to be something more than what they were now. She could only hope.

 

When Clarke was 28, she understood the depths of love she held for the curly headed man her every thought revolved around, when seeing him with someone else was too much for her, and she began to distance herself from him to avoid being hurt again. They began to grow significantly apart, but she kept telling herself that it was for the best, not just for herself but for him as well. She was a hurricane, and the last thing she would ever want was for him to be destroyed by that, so with a heavy heart, she decided that her love for him could only be platonic, and absolutely nothing more than that.

 

When Clarke was 33, she had her first romance in what had felt like an extremely long time. Raven was sweet and patient, and she made her feel as loved as another person could feel loved, but she still felt hollow because she wasn’t Bellamy, and it felt wrong loving someone, caring for someone, that wasn’t him. The phone calls and Facetimes between the two had become less frequent, and it left a sick feeling in her stomach whenever she saw him posting pictures of himself and his new girlfriend, Gina. She had became bitter and unpredictable, and everyone began to fear for her mental health, but she didn’t care about that or anything else, all she cared about was dissipating this awful feeling she had always had now.

 

When Clarke was 38, Bellamy announced that he and Gina were going to be tying the knot and that was when all hope was lost for her. Raven had long since left, just as she had predicted she would, and she felt completely alone now. She would find herself hovering over his contact in her phone for a few seconds longer, and she knew that she was a goner. She felt so many emotions all at once, which is what started the excessive alcohol drinking, and then finally, the cutting off of everyone who had ever loved or cared about her, including the man she had loved for so long. He was worried about the state of his best friend, and he couldn’t help but somehow think her spirial was his fault, so he tried every possible way that he could to reach out to her, but it was all in vain, and his heart was broken. But her heart was just beginning to heal, in the most destructive ways possible.

 

When Clarke was 43, Bellamy appeared on her doorstep with shaky hands and teary eyes. He had conveyed to her that his now former fiancee had been fucking her boss at work the whole time they had been together, and she couldn’t say that she was surprised by the news. But nonetheless, she was there for her best friend, despite how painful it was for her to do so. The whole time he sat next to her, his hand was interlaced with hers, and she was confused. She knew that he loved her like a friend, but his aura was showing her that he had other intentions, which is what led to their lovemaking, and then the aftermath, which ended with him stumbling from her house at dawn and leaving her to wake up to an empty bed.

 

When Clarke was 48, all of the feelings she had kept buried inside for the past 30 years finally came to light. It was Bellamy’s birthday, and it was a very small party, consisting of none other than his sister Octavia, herself, and a few friends of his she didn’t know as well. The vibe of the party was chill, but anyone there could see that there were some major tensions between the birthday male and his lady friend, which is what led to the confrontation in the first place. They had stolen a few moments away from the other partygoers, and that’s when everything was spilled out to the man, shocking him to the core. She had tearfully revealed to him that she had been in love with him since she was 18, and that it was one of the most joyous but also one of the most painful experiences of her whole entire life. She was truthful and patient with him, and he was the same way with her too, revealing that he had also loved her for a long time but was too afraid to say anything, in fear that it would wreck their friendship even more than it had obviously already had. The night ended with them laying side by side in his bed, wrapped up in each others nude bodies, a sense of peace finally settling over the pair.

 

When Clarke was 65, her whole world came crashing down around her. Bellamy had unexpectedly perished under mysterious circumstances, which left her grasping for any sense of happiness she could gain from this whole situation, which was nothing. Friends and family tried being there for her, but she just pushed them away, choosing the silence of her big empty home over false sympathies and pity she didn’t need. She sat on the sofa, a glass of wine in one hand while a album sat opened on her lap, and she reminisced on all the good times she had shared with him, recounting how brave and how educated he was on things she didn’t even know existed, and how gentle and patient he was as a lover. She paused on a photo of them snapped on her 18th birthday, and her withered finger traced his face softly, trying to transport herself back to that day, which was one of the last days she was truly happy, save for all the times she had spent with Bellamy during their married years when they got older. For the first time since she had lost him, she finally broke down and truly accepted the fact that he was gone, and that he was never coming back this time, which was such a hard thing for her to have to swallow. Once she had gotten done expelling all of her sadness for the time being, she climbed shakily up the staircase and climbed into the bed that had been empty for quite sometime now, and she climbed underneath the blanket, looking up at the ceiling above her, and wishing that she was looking up at the night sky instead of the roof concealing her in this lonely, lonely, home of hers. She eventually fell asleep, but not without clutching the cold spot next to her and envisioning that it was Bellamy there and not just empty space. Clarke Griffin passed away peacefully in her sleep that night, and loved ones only hoped that she had found peace and had found her soulmate in the afterlife, because everyone had always known that they belonged together, for better or for worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments as they mean so much to me, thank you very much and thank you for all of the support! ❤


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